There's Always Next Year

When I ran the marathon last year I learned about will. I realized that, like an ox, I could put my head down and power through any obstacle in my way. I used this energy to meet my goals-- all of them-- and I rearranged my life in one fell swoop-- powering through to each finish line until I had manifested the vision of myself that I wanted.

This year I set even more goals for myself, fully intending to plow forward on that wonderful wave of will that I possess in spades. But fate had a different lesson in mind for me. First I learned, quite alarmingly, that I am breakable. And then I learned that healing is a process that takes time-- although I was quite impatient towards that end. I assumed I could jump back on track, and I powered through a 5 mile run that had me limping half way through. The next week I made the jump to 10 miles, which effectively proved my own foolishness. I couldn't run again for weeks-- the pain in my leg outweighed the notions in my head-- and for the first time ever I realized that I have limitations. I cannot physically run the marathon nor the triathlon and no amount of personal power can change that right now. So I have accepted this reality and acquiesced to my own needs instead of plodding forward to gain my wants.

I have to admit, I liked last year's lesson better. But growth is accomplished through fits and starts-- taking two steps forward, one step back-- and eventually dancing towards the things that are important in life. Because if you can't hold on to a star in your hand, a least you can hold on to another plan.