I did not know why I was running until I ran 23 miles. Somewhere around mile 20, everything clicked. Incidentally, this was also when some new and interesting hormones kicked in.
The sky got very blue very suddenly. My legs and feet stopped aching and a smile spread across my face as though it were it being pasted on. I was talking, laughing, enjoying the run as though it had just begun. There were no thoughts of pushing through the pain because the pain was gone (it would return in spades later).
I experienced a heightened sense of awareness; I felt what it means to push past the point of reason, past the threshold of my own will power, and into the ether. My body was still moving-- at that point out of habit and mechanics-- my mind had reached another level. I felt so close to the people still chugging along beside me, bonded together by the intimacy of accomplishment-- a moment so personal, yet shared.
That's when I fully realized: Anyone can do anything. I'm running all this way simply because I can. What word has ever held such power as can? I am not certain of the answer to that question, perhaps because I have never believed in cannot.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
20 Miler... And A Couple Other Jogs
Two weeks ago I ran 20 miles. At the beginning it was exciting and fun; at the end it was grueling and rewarding. Somewhere in between a man ran into a light post and bled rather profusely from his forehead. A woman documented the run with her cell phone and posted it piecemeal on facebook as she went... until she was taken back to the finish line with an injury. Several people were spotted running in odd attire: a red leather dress, a red tutu, and a red feather boa to name a few. A man that none of us had ever seen before joined our running group somewhere around Navy Pier. To top it all off, a bird shit on my head right before we did the last mile. I believe the Italians think that is a good omen. Mostly it was just messy.
There was an 8 miler the week before that, which went seamlessly, and another after the 20 miler, which we purposely cut short. It was really humid and my foot was still in healing mode. Luckily, it seems to be okay now. I'm prepared for a full recovery run this week and a 23 miler the week after that. In the meantime, I will find out if there is any truth to the "good omen" that I furiously scrubbed from my head.
There was an 8 miler the week before that, which went seamlessly, and another after the 20 miler, which we purposely cut short. It was really humid and my foot was still in healing mode. Luckily, it seems to be okay now. I'm prepared for a full recovery run this week and a 23 miler the week after that. In the meantime, I will find out if there is any truth to the "good omen" that I furiously scrubbed from my head.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
4 Mile Blip
We were supposed to run 8 miles on Saturday, but my foot has been killing me, so to prevent further injury we only ran 4 miles. It was only Gabbi and I-- everyone else was gone, so I didn't feel too bad about keeping it light. Especially since I could barely walk after 4 miles.
But this weekend we'll do the 8 miles again, and this time I will probably feel much better because I gave myself time to heal. The lesson here-- don't overdo it, and always give yourself time to recover. Whether it be your foot, your calves, or your heart-- if it doesn't feel right, it probably needs time. :)
But this weekend we'll do the 8 miles again, and this time I will probably feel much better because I gave myself time to heal. The lesson here-- don't overdo it, and always give yourself time to recover. Whether it be your foot, your calves, or your heart-- if it doesn't feel right, it probably needs time. :)
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
17 Miles
If you ran from Naperville to Schaumburg, that's 17 miles. Or if you ran from Chicago up to Wilmette, that's 17 miles too. Or if you got up at 5 am and ran up and down the lakeshore with my pace group on Saturday, that would have been 17 miles as well. It's a long effin' way on two legs.
So we ran super slow and extra steady with lots of little breaks in between. Despite our diligent care it was difficult to walk immediately afterward, and an hour later Gabbi and I concurred that it felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to our legs.
The run itself was an exercise in will power. There were so many moments that it was tempting to give up and walk the rest or turn around early. For some reason, each time I thought about that it reinforced my resolve to continue. Surrender is never an option.
So we did shots of salt packets in the hot summer sun with the humidity melting the energy out of us. We pounded the warm asphalt in rhythm every time the watch beeped signaling us to run. And we finished 17 miles.
So we ran super slow and extra steady with lots of little breaks in between. Despite our diligent care it was difficult to walk immediately afterward, and an hour later Gabbi and I concurred that it felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to our legs.
The run itself was an exercise in will power. There were so many moments that it was tempting to give up and walk the rest or turn around early. For some reason, each time I thought about that it reinforced my resolve to continue. Surrender is never an option.
So we did shots of salt packets in the hot summer sun with the humidity melting the energy out of us. We pounded the warm asphalt in rhythm every time the watch beeped signaling us to run. And we finished 17 miles.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Heaven on Seven
Seven miles is like running on a cloud of easiness. I was very happy to have a nice healing run on the 4th of July. Holiday or no, a commitment is a commitment.
Of course, there were only 4 of us who really subscribed to that philosophy. Gabbi, Suzan, Carita (Cheeks), and I came out for the run. Gabbi and Carita ran side by side and I ran with Suzan. We kept a quick pace because the run was so short, and Suzan and I chatted the entire time. It was actually pretty fun.
What was even more fun was the fact that a friend had VIP tix for the Taste that day. Free beer, free food, and exclusive port o potties are the only way to go! (pun intended)
Of course, there were only 4 of us who really subscribed to that philosophy. Gabbi, Suzan, Carita (Cheeks), and I came out for the run. Gabbi and Carita ran side by side and I ran with Suzan. We kept a quick pace because the run was so short, and Suzan and I chatted the entire time. It was actually pretty fun.
What was even more fun was the fact that a friend had VIP tix for the Taste that day. Free beer, free food, and exclusive port o potties are the only way to go! (pun intended)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
14 Miles
14 Miles... it's the distance from my house to my place of work-- Oswego to Naperville. Or the distance from Union Station in Chicago to the center of Park Ridge. It's a little longer than the island of Manhattan... and a heck of a long way to run.
But we ran it-- in the brutal summer heat, with knees popping and IT bands squishing, and cramps attacking our insides-- we did it as a team.
And I knew I would learn about the limits of my will power (which I suspect may be limitless...). And I knew I would find out about the strength of my body (which hates me just a little right now). But I did not expect a lesson in stoicism-- and I did not expect to hear it second hand.
As we pummelled forward on the pavement I pulled our team as best I could. With optimism and with leading by example, I trudged forward and asked them to do the same. They did wonderfully. When the run was over, Gabbi told me about a little conversation she had with Cameron, who had remarked how she couldn't believe I was still going. Gabbi told her, "believe me, she's in as much pain as we are, she's just pushing through it."
To which Cameron said, "that's what makes her a good leader." And that struck me as quite a compliment.
But we ran it-- in the brutal summer heat, with knees popping and IT bands squishing, and cramps attacking our insides-- we did it as a team.
And I knew I would learn about the limits of my will power (which I suspect may be limitless...). And I knew I would find out about the strength of my body (which hates me just a little right now). But I did not expect a lesson in stoicism-- and I did not expect to hear it second hand.
As we pummelled forward on the pavement I pulled our team as best I could. With optimism and with leading by example, I trudged forward and asked them to do the same. They did wonderfully. When the run was over, Gabbi told me about a little conversation she had with Cameron, who had remarked how she couldn't believe I was still going. Gabbi told her, "believe me, she's in as much pain as we are, she's just pushing through it."
To which Cameron said, "that's what makes her a good leader." And that struck me as quite a compliment.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Drop Back: 6 Miles
We only ran 6 miles on Saturday because we needed to heal from the previous 12 miler. That was fine with me because I was pretty sick-- lots of sniffles. I could hardly breathe and the sun was beating down horrendously. Our entire group was pretty miserable in the heat. I cannot imagine next week's 14 mile run if it's going to be that hot.
Gabbi and I went to the community garden after that to plant more stuff. Our plot is really coming together now and we're starting to make friends. Next week there's a cook out that we're volunteering for. I don't know how much we'll feel like cooking in the heat after such a long run, but it's easy to be ambitious a week in advance!
Gabbi and I went to the community garden after that to plant more stuff. Our plot is really coming together now and we're starting to make friends. Next week there's a cook out that we're volunteering for. I don't know how much we'll feel like cooking in the heat after such a long run, but it's easy to be ambitious a week in advance!
Monday, June 15, 2009
12 Miles in the Rain
It was pouring down rain Saturday morning as we ran 12 miles. This was by far the most challenging run to date-- because we were soaked, we were cold, and we were all exhausted.
When my right leg went pretty much numb and I ran 5 of those miles with 'pins and needles' throughout that leg I began to think about inner strength. When the rain started to pelt me and I was running against the cold wind drenched in water and sweat, I began to ask for inner strength. When we finished the 12 miles I realized that I had gained some measure of precious inner strength. I was pretty stoked (and sore).
When my right leg went pretty much numb and I ran 5 of those miles with 'pins and needles' throughout that leg I began to think about inner strength. When the rain started to pelt me and I was running against the cold wind drenched in water and sweat, I began to ask for inner strength. When we finished the 12 miles I realized that I had gained some measure of precious inner strength. I was pretty stoked (and sore).
Monday, June 8, 2009
Double Digits
If you would have told me a year ago that I would run ten miles-- ever-- I probably would have said you're nuts. But Saturday I took those ten miles in my stride (literally) and led our group, as a unit, to the double digit finish line.
"Cheeks" says she's going to buy me a bottle of Patron for after the race for being a good leader and keeping us on track. I was flattered to hear that I am filling the role well-- being new at this I am more than a little nervous about that.
But the run went smoothly-- albeit the end was very strenuous. I cannot imagine the twelve miles we're supposed to run next week, but I suppose it will be like this week. You just keep going.
Speaking of keeping going, after the run I went to the community garden again and planted some vegetables with the church. It makes me feel good to know that someone will soon receive the blessing of fresh nutrients.
After that I went to see a play, then dinner, and then I danced away the remainder of the night. I went to bed around 4 in the morning-- and I still couldn't sleep past 7 a.m.!
"Cheeks" says she's going to buy me a bottle of Patron for after the race for being a good leader and keeping us on track. I was flattered to hear that I am filling the role well-- being new at this I am more than a little nervous about that.
But the run went smoothly-- albeit the end was very strenuous. I cannot imagine the twelve miles we're supposed to run next week, but I suppose it will be like this week. You just keep going.
Speaking of keeping going, after the run I went to the community garden again and planted some vegetables with the church. It makes me feel good to know that someone will soon receive the blessing of fresh nutrients.
After that I went to see a play, then dinner, and then I danced away the remainder of the night. I went to bed around 4 in the morning-- and I still couldn't sleep past 7 a.m.!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
8 Mile
I am surprised my legs did not fall off yesterday. The day began with an eight mile run on the lakefront and then afterwards I spent the next seven hours moving Gabbi down three floors of stairs, then up two floors of stairs. After which, I took a brief nap and went out and partied until two a.m. As usual (and like clockwork), I was up at 645 in the morning. I decided to go for a nice long hike today to crosstrain...
It's amazing how motivated I feel. Part of it is that I don't want to stop long enough for the lactic acid to really set in. Part of it is that exercise can be completely addicting-- there's an awesome natural high. And probably the biggest part of it is that I have a goal to reach-- I plan on blasting it away.
It's amazing how motivated I feel. Part of it is that I don't want to stop long enough for the lactic acid to really set in. Part of it is that exercise can be completely addicting-- there's an awesome natural high. And probably the biggest part of it is that I have a goal to reach-- I plan on blasting it away.
Monday, May 25, 2009
7 Miles-- Solo
I missed the group run on Saturday. This occurred for a variety of reasons, the most truthful of which is that I wanted to linger in bed Saturday morning, and I had planned to miss the run so that I could do just that.
So this beautiful Memorial Day morning I woke up, had breakfast with my family, and then went out to run the seven miles I should have run on Saturday. I would have preferred if it were a pleasant experience, but to be honest I spent the greater part of it beating myself up over silly little things that don't really matter. This is a common pitfall of going out and "letting off steam." Sooner or later, it condenses.
The high that I normally get from running failed to materialize today. But instead I managed to gain some insight into myself of which I was previously unaware. I'm not sure what to do with that information, but like everything, I'm sure it will come to me.
I do not think I want to miss a group run again.
So this beautiful Memorial Day morning I woke up, had breakfast with my family, and then went out to run the seven miles I should have run on Saturday. I would have preferred if it were a pleasant experience, but to be honest I spent the greater part of it beating myself up over silly little things that don't really matter. This is a common pitfall of going out and "letting off steam." Sooner or later, it condenses.
The high that I normally get from running failed to materialize today. But instead I managed to gain some insight into myself of which I was previously unaware. I'm not sure what to do with that information, but like everything, I'm sure it will come to me.
I do not think I want to miss a group run again.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
6 Miles
I have been chomping at the bit all week-- completely geared for a challenge-- and so I was ecstatic to pour all that energy into a nice run. It was a long run, 6 miles (although in a few months I'm sure I will consider that a baby run), and now we are getting into the territory of energy gels. My entire pace group collectively ran out of calories to burn. So I'll be making a stop at the running company this week.
Despite being temporarily out of energy, after the run I went to the Chicago Community Garden with Gabbi and tilled some soil for the benefit of the low income families in Cabrini Green. My mother about had a heart attack when I told her I was there, and she is heavily protesting my plan to return next week. But sometimes you just feel the need to give back...
The rest of my day was spent in leisurely pursuits... a fabulous shopping trip in Wicker Park, a wonderful Jamaican BBQ with friends, and then an evening of partying in Andersonville. All this exercise has given me boundless energy-- with that being said, now I am off to cross train. Hiking anyone?
Despite being temporarily out of energy, after the run I went to the Chicago Community Garden with Gabbi and tilled some soil for the benefit of the low income families in Cabrini Green. My mother about had a heart attack when I told her I was there, and she is heavily protesting my plan to return next week. But sometimes you just feel the need to give back...
The rest of my day was spent in leisurely pursuits... a fabulous shopping trip in Wicker Park, a wonderful Jamaican BBQ with friends, and then an evening of partying in Andersonville. All this exercise has given me boundless energy-- with that being said, now I am off to cross train. Hiking anyone?
Monday, May 11, 2009
5 Miles
Saturday morning I woke up approximately two hours after I went to sleep, drove to the city, and arrived on Chicago's beautiful lake shore path sharply at 7am. It was freezing again, but this time the pace group was there. It turns out, I am pace group leader-- a position that I take very seriously. I got to take up the front and keep the time.
It was an amazing run for so many different reasons. I got to watch the sun peek through the clouds as I fought against the wind. The cherry trees were in bloom and spilling over the path as I plodded past. The lake remained consistently tumultuous but constant as I just kept on running.
And I was tired, and I was overjoyed, and I was hungover, and I was flying high on cloud 17... And I was thinking-- this is all worth it. This moment is one of the finest moments that life has to offer.
It was an amazing run for so many different reasons. I got to watch the sun peek through the clouds as I fought against the wind. The cherry trees were in bloom and spilling over the path as I plodded past. The lake remained consistently tumultuous but constant as I just kept on running.
And I was tired, and I was overjoyed, and I was hungover, and I was flying high on cloud 17... And I was thinking-- this is all worth it. This moment is one of the finest moments that life has to offer.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
4 Mile Marker
530 am today I woke up, stuffed myself with fiber, and immediately realized that I forgot to bring my sports bra to the city with me. This begs the question, "where do you get a sports bra at 6 am in Lakeview?" Answer: Walgreens. As the morning bus rolled by I quickly donned my new $5 piece of equipment, hoping that I did not accidentally put on a free show. Then I ate a banana for good measure, and as I finished the last awful bite (I really don't like bananas), we reached the run site.
Today I realized that I overestimated the dedication of some of the others in my pace group. I was the only one in my group and Gabbi was the only one in her group. So we merged the group and ended up running exactly the average time of our two groups combined.
It was a nice four miles-- although it was cold this morning. My limbs felt really stiff because of the cold and I had anticipated a warmer temperature. To keep myself limber I went to the gym to do some strength training when I got back to Oswego and then I hand washed and detailed my car. I have this feeling I overdid it and will be crying tomorrow.
Today I realized that I overestimated the dedication of some of the others in my pace group. I was the only one in my group and Gabbi was the only one in her group. So we merged the group and ended up running exactly the average time of our two groups combined.
It was a nice four miles-- although it was cold this morning. My limbs felt really stiff because of the cold and I had anticipated a warmer temperature. To keep myself limber I went to the gym to do some strength training when I got back to Oswego and then I hand washed and detailed my car. I have this feeling I overdid it and will be crying tomorrow.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Training Officially Begins
The past month has been lovely. I was able to begin my training on my own terms, with my own system and I am seeing some serious results. However, I was also privy to my own misconceptions in terms of the whole walk/run ratio, which was a wonderful surprise when I began the real solo training. I am into a whole new territory here.
Before I talk about that though, I have to say that I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday morning (when I should have been hungover like any other self-respecting 29 year old). I ate a healthy breakfast and dressed in my best synthetics so I could go freeze at the lakefront while the training team gave us the same information for the third time. Then we all got to run for three miles. Yay.
The first thing I did was make a new friend. We're supposed to run at a conversational pace, so converse we did for three miles. I plan on making another new friend next week-- it won't be hard considering I am in the smallest pace group. There are three of us. I may or may not be the pace group leader-- I had to leave after the run, but before that was established. Upon leaving, I did offer to have them circle my name, yet the outcome of that is still unknown.
Now, I have to talk about training today... So after this whole 'find your pace group' deal we were given our run/walk ratios. This is essential to the Galloway method, where you run for a spell and then walk-- supposedly you get a better time with this method and it has a higher rate of success for finishing.
My ratio is 3:1. So I run for three minutes, walk for one, run for three-- you get the idea. Well the ratio I had been using was a nice 1:1 ratio. I figured that was nice and balanced... Apparently that is not even a pace group option. Needless to say, today's run and subsequent strength training were a little more vigorous...
Before I talk about that though, I have to say that I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday morning (when I should have been hungover like any other self-respecting 29 year old). I ate a healthy breakfast and dressed in my best synthetics so I could go freeze at the lakefront while the training team gave us the same information for the third time. Then we all got to run for three miles. Yay.
The first thing I did was make a new friend. We're supposed to run at a conversational pace, so converse we did for three miles. I plan on making another new friend next week-- it won't be hard considering I am in the smallest pace group. There are three of us. I may or may not be the pace group leader-- I had to leave after the run, but before that was established. Upon leaving, I did offer to have them circle my name, yet the outcome of that is still unknown.
Now, I have to talk about training today... So after this whole 'find your pace group' deal we were given our run/walk ratios. This is essential to the Galloway method, where you run for a spell and then walk-- supposedly you get a better time with this method and it has a higher rate of success for finishing.
My ratio is 3:1. So I run for three minutes, walk for one, run for three-- you get the idea. Well the ratio I had been using was a nice 1:1 ratio. I figured that was nice and balanced... Apparently that is not even a pace group option. Needless to say, today's run and subsequent strength training were a little more vigorous...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Character
My roommate Cindy used to fill the ice cube trays up every day because she hated doing it. She said that by doing something you hate on a consistent basis you build character. It's been ten years since she's told me that and I don't think I will ever forget it.
This is my ice cube tray. Even though I don't like running I'm coming to appreciate it. I am enjoying the sheer act of protracted will power. I'm paying for it too; all i can say is "ouch!" as I sit here lathered in Pain Buster II Cream guzzling down water in hopes that it will flush the impurities out. In a few minutes I will embark upon yet another Epsom Salt bath. I swear by these things-- although if you're going to try it I highly recommend adding some moisturizing bath beads. Otherwise your skin might get salt-puckered. Desert-like epidermis aside, the salt bath is like taking two muscle relaxers without any of the drugs (and impurities that I'm furiously flushing). It is second only to a massage.
On a completely different note, today Rachel (my friend and trainer and one-woman personal support system) told me that a lady had pointed me out and said "that girl really looks good." It made me feel like some of this pain is worth it. We'll see how I feel about that when I'm moanin' and groanin' tomorrow.
This is my ice cube tray. Even though I don't like running I'm coming to appreciate it. I am enjoying the sheer act of protracted will power. I'm paying for it too; all i can say is "ouch!" as I sit here lathered in Pain Buster II Cream guzzling down water in hopes that it will flush the impurities out. In a few minutes I will embark upon yet another Epsom Salt bath. I swear by these things-- although if you're going to try it I highly recommend adding some moisturizing bath beads. Otherwise your skin might get salt-puckered. Desert-like epidermis aside, the salt bath is like taking two muscle relaxers without any of the drugs (and impurities that I'm furiously flushing). It is second only to a massage.
On a completely different note, today Rachel (my friend and trainer and one-woman personal support system) told me that a lady had pointed me out and said "that girl really looks good." It made me feel like some of this pain is worth it. We'll see how I feel about that when I'm moanin' and groanin' tomorrow.
Friday, April 10, 2009
I Hate Running :)
Running pretty much sucks. It takes a big chunk out of my day. It's searingly painful on the limbs. And did you ever hear people talk about how you just run through muscle cramps? Well, that's a load of crap.
Although, I'm still successfully managing to force myself through this and it's getting a little bit easier every day. Now my calves burn after 15 minutes instead of 4. I think of 3 miles as a breeze, which it is when using the Galloway method of alternating running and walking. Plus I have cultivated a wonderful relationship with my new Zune music player. Billy Joel injects his infectious brand of enthusiasm and lyrical insight with each step. It's his song 'Second Wind' that I have named my blog after because I believe it is one of his masterpieces. The theme of letting go of mistakes rings through the pleasant driving melody, and the metaphor of a second wind-- getting back up after being down-- I find wonderfully relevant. Because I hate running and I fight myself every second my legs move. Kind of like in the song, there's an internal debate buzzing between the optimist and the defeatist, and the moment the optimist wins-- even if it's just briefly-- that's the second wind.
Now I just need a third wind, a fourth wind, a fifth wind... you get the idea.
Although, I'm still successfully managing to force myself through this and it's getting a little bit easier every day. Now my calves burn after 15 minutes instead of 4. I think of 3 miles as a breeze, which it is when using the Galloway method of alternating running and walking. Plus I have cultivated a wonderful relationship with my new Zune music player. Billy Joel injects his infectious brand of enthusiasm and lyrical insight with each step. It's his song 'Second Wind' that I have named my blog after because I believe it is one of his masterpieces. The theme of letting go of mistakes rings through the pleasant driving melody, and the metaphor of a second wind-- getting back up after being down-- I find wonderfully relevant. Because I hate running and I fight myself every second my legs move. Kind of like in the song, there's an internal debate buzzing between the optimist and the defeatist, and the moment the optimist wins-- even if it's just briefly-- that's the second wind.
Now I just need a third wind, a fourth wind, a fifth wind... you get the idea.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Calves on Fire
"Calves on fire..." does not refer to a gruesome bovine incident in rural America, even though that would probably be more interesting. Instead, it just refers to my legs, which I have been stretching, massaging, and rolling out relentlessly to no apparent avail. They burn terribly after about 4 minutes of run/walk training and once they start, they just get worse. I find myself hopping around like a little jackrabbit on the treadmill trying to shake some ice into the fire.
You can imagine how excited I am to learn of this little "glitch" in the whole training system. "Oh, searing pain... that's nice." Despite the pain (and sarcasm) I have been able to force myself to stick to my running schedule so far. I'm trying to get into the whole discipline thing, but I find there are more appealing things to get into than that. Like wine tasting-- now that's something I can get into-- but discipline, well, that one's a little harder to get excited about.
What is so difficult about discipline? The root of the word is 'disciple,' which implies a whole lot of committment. Disciples are some seriously devoted folk. So no wonder discipline is not easy to come by-- you have to resemble disciple-like behavior to be disciplined. And I don't exhibit that kind of behavior yet, so I don't think I have yet become disciplined. It will come, though, as I continue to push myself-- as my calves burn less and less (hopefully), something more will burn inside.
You can imagine how excited I am to learn of this little "glitch" in the whole training system. "Oh, searing pain... that's nice." Despite the pain (and sarcasm) I have been able to force myself to stick to my running schedule so far. I'm trying to get into the whole discipline thing, but I find there are more appealing things to get into than that. Like wine tasting-- now that's something I can get into-- but discipline, well, that one's a little harder to get excited about.
What is so difficult about discipline? The root of the word is 'disciple,' which implies a whole lot of committment. Disciples are some seriously devoted folk. So no wonder discipline is not easy to come by-- you have to resemble disciple-like behavior to be disciplined. And I don't exhibit that kind of behavior yet, so I don't think I have yet become disciplined. It will come, though, as I continue to push myself-- as my calves burn less and less (hopefully), something more will burn inside.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Beginning
I was sitting in a sandwich shop on a Sunday when I spied the pamphlets lounging on a cardboard stand like little literary temptations. Picking one up, I thumbed through the leaflet absent-mindedly and gathered some of the details about the AIDS marathon that is scheduled to happen this fall in Maui.
“It’s a sign,” I confided with a smile to the friend sitting across from me.
“What’s a sign?” my friend asked.
“The AIDS marathon—it’s running the day before my 30th birthday in Maui—it’s a sign.”
My friend did not hide the disbelief on her face very well. “Um… okay… why would you want to run a marathon for your birthday?”
“I want to be the kind of person who inspires people.” The words fell out of my mouth almost automatically; as if I had always known that it was a goal of mine. Of course, I was surprised by my own response, which is often a characteristic of some of the most transformative truths revealed in one’s life. They come as a surprise.
In the weeks following that conversation I weighed the pros and cons of running this marathon very carefully. I almost had myself completely talked out of it, which admittedly gave me a great feeling of relief. But then I learned about what the foundation does for the people it serves. It feeds them, gives them the medications they need, provides the kind of day to day help that they require. Last year no woman in Illinois transmitted the HIV virus to her child during birth because of the efforts of this foundation.
I cannot imagine the powerlessness that someone suffering from AIDS must feel. To be at the complete mercy of a disease that destroys your body’s ability to fight. To suffer the stigma of sickness, and endure the taunts of those who do not understand that it is not your fault. To have ten dollars in your pocket knowing you need twenty to buy a pill that keeps you from wasting away.
I want to run for those people as much as I want to run for myself. I want my legs to carry me to a place inside myself that glows with only the best of me. Through strength and will power and grace-- I’ll be putting my best foot forward—for 26.2 miles.
“It’s a sign,” I confided with a smile to the friend sitting across from me.
“What’s a sign?” my friend asked.
“The AIDS marathon—it’s running the day before my 30th birthday in Maui—it’s a sign.”
My friend did not hide the disbelief on her face very well. “Um… okay… why would you want to run a marathon for your birthday?”
“I want to be the kind of person who inspires people.” The words fell out of my mouth almost automatically; as if I had always known that it was a goal of mine. Of course, I was surprised by my own response, which is often a characteristic of some of the most transformative truths revealed in one’s life. They come as a surprise.
In the weeks following that conversation I weighed the pros and cons of running this marathon very carefully. I almost had myself completely talked out of it, which admittedly gave me a great feeling of relief. But then I learned about what the foundation does for the people it serves. It feeds them, gives them the medications they need, provides the kind of day to day help that they require. Last year no woman in Illinois transmitted the HIV virus to her child during birth because of the efforts of this foundation.
I cannot imagine the powerlessness that someone suffering from AIDS must feel. To be at the complete mercy of a disease that destroys your body’s ability to fight. To suffer the stigma of sickness, and endure the taunts of those who do not understand that it is not your fault. To have ten dollars in your pocket knowing you need twenty to buy a pill that keeps you from wasting away.
I want to run for those people as much as I want to run for myself. I want my legs to carry me to a place inside myself that glows with only the best of me. Through strength and will power and grace-- I’ll be putting my best foot forward—for 26.2 miles.
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